Elintézetlen: Unfinished Business: Abyss
by Decidedly Average
Summary: "God knows you've tried to make amends. But it's happened again. You've lost him to a dead woman." - The Cunningham household is thrown into chaos and the true extent of Harry's problems comes to the surface. Might make more sense if you read my last story, All Too Soon, first! Rated M again.
1. Downward Spiral

**Those of you who have lasted this long, thank you! t You have arrived at story two where we are picking up where we left off, maybe 4 months or so down the line. I hope you like it. Originally, this part was going to be one big chapter but I decided to break it down a bit more, drop me a wee review if you can and let me know if you think its working.**

**And one last thing...**

**I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Try not to hate me!**

(Nikki)

Surprisingly, you last until April the following year, before all hell breaks loose.

Leo calls you into his office and closes the door. That's how you know it's serious. Harry left the house this morning and subsequently vanished, and Leo is being secretive. That spells trouble.

"_Harry's at a scene."_

You're not very sure what he's expecting your reaction to be. You decide now is not the time for a quick witted come-back – a habit you've picked up over time from your husband – despite the fact that you presumed he would be at a scene, and considering that was what he was paid for, you wouldn't be surprised.

"_Ok."_

"_The body is apparently that of an Anka Majewski, polish by origin. 32…_

…_Approximately 8 weeks pregnant."_

Yes. Trouble.

You feel sick and don't know where to look. You feel your breathing quicken and close your eyes, willing yourself not to panic.

"_I'm sure he'll be fine, I just thought I should give you the heads up, considering…well…everything."_

You give an unconvincing nod.

"_I'll keep an eye out, Nikki. It was a very long time ago. It might not even cross his mind."_

You can tell he's trying to convince himself, as much as you. But for the time being, you decide to believe him. You're exhausted already and the day has only just started.

You'd always dreaded this day, from the moment you embarked on this long sought after relationship, Anna Sandour had a hold over him. Over both of you. You had learned to accept the nightmares that plagued him, the occasional evening when you'll find him simply staring out of a window, you had accepted that at times there was nothing you could do to help and he just needed to be alone. But it hurt you too. Everything that happened all those months ago, and it has never been far from your conscious; the fact that after everything he put you through, after the way you reacted having found him alive, he still left you, alone in the middle of the memorial. He chose Anna over you. A dead woman's justice was of greater importance. It was like a cycle. Penny Harris. Anna Sandour. Would there be another?

Harry is back by early afternoon and doesn't say two words to you until you enter the office that evening to find him scowling into his computer screen, paper strewn all over the desk. You slowly start to pack things away into your bag, hoping he gets the hint, however rare it is for you to instigate calling it a night. When he speaks, his eyes don't leave the screen.

"_You ok?"_

"_Yeah. Just very tired."_

"_But you've barely done anything, have you?"_

His remark is murmured, off hand, but it stings all the same. You decide to change the subject.

"_Can we go home, please?"_

"_In a minute."_

"_As in a minute, minute or a you, minute."_

"_However long it takes to finish this tox report."_

"_The Majewski tox report?"_

His head snaps up at this and you note his furrowed brow, the deep lines on his forehead, angry eyes. He doesn't look attractive when he's fired up like this.

"_Does it matter whose tox report?"_

"_If it's Anka Majewski's she was brought in today, surely it can wait a night –"_

"_Maybe if you stopped talking at me and let me finish it wouldn't have to."_

You're no stranger to arguments, you know this probably is one but Harry is prone to shouting and as of yet, he hasn't. His last dig was quiet, through gritted teeth; it was as if he was speaking to Mumford during a bad case rather than his wife of 4 months.

"_I can give you a lift if you'd rather go now, I'm going that way anyway, I've got that talk tonight at the Marsden."_

You're not sure how long Leo has been behind you, tidying himself up with a blazer and tie, but you know he's thinking the same as you. You decide to have one more shot at bringing your husband back from the abyss.

"_You can easily do this tomorrow, Harry."_

He gives an exasperated sigh in reply and you make your decision.

"_I'll just get my coat."_

Watching the world pass by from the passenger seat of Leo's car almost lulls you to sleep as he drives in silence.

"_I was wrong."_

"_What?"_

"_I think we actually cope with the living, better than we do the dead."_

You only rattle around the house for a matter of minutes before climbing the stairs and collapsing into bed, shattered.

In the body _and_ soul sense.


	2. Relapse part 2

**Ahhh! I'm sorry! I don't like to upset you! I hope my writing is good enough to keep y'all interested, even though its all a bit angsty. You'll just have to trust me, stick with it! **

**Much love as always! x**

**April 5****st**** – 2012 – Entry 14.**

"_It's been a while, Harry."_

You'd stopped going after you and Nikki got together, convinced you were fine, convinced you didn't need it anymore.

Not to mention how difficult it would have been to hide it from her.

You're here because you feel yourself losing control again. You feel like you've gone back to square one. You feel like you've fallen down a hole and you can't get out of it. The Majewski case has brought everything flooding back, as if you hadn't talked anything out at all, you'd simply learned to swim though your sea of problems. But now you are sinking, drowning.

_We all have things that happen to us, the waves that crash._

"_You need to detach yourself from that case then, Harry, don't you? The case that's making you feel this way?"_

She doesn't understand. It's obsessive, you find something and you want the answers, PDQ, you just have to have them. Every moment is spent analysing, scrutinising, calculating. You sit up at night and look through the notes again and again. _Why would someone want to brutally murder an innocent young woman and her unborn child? _Sometimes the world makes very little sense to you.

"_You need to let go, Harry. Remember?"_

"_What about her partner? The Father of her baby, you think he can just let go?"_

"_Harry, you're projecting. Do you remember we spoke about that? It's vital that you learn to be objective about cases like this. Obsessing over them isn't going to bring Anna back."_

"_I wasn't talking about Anna!"_

"_Really?"_

She doesn't even try and stop you as you storm out, slamming the office door behind you.

….

You slam the door of your house with matching fervour and find Nikki on the stairs eating a bowl of what looks like Turkish delight and cream.

"_Where were you?"_

"_Do I have to tell you everything?"_

You walk straight past her to the kitchen and when you hear her following you, your anger increases.

"_I was worried, I phoned the lab and Zak said you'd gone home but you weren't here either, I didn't know what had happened."_

"_I just went – out, okay?"_

"_Well no actually it's not okay!"_

"_Oh for Christ's sake I don't have to listen to this."_

You slam the house keys down onto the table and push past her back out the door you'd only just came through.

"_Where are you going now?"_

"_BED! That okay with you!"_

You don't stay long enough to see the tears building in her eyes.

You're not sure how long you lie watching the ceiling, alone, before you hear her on the stairs. She spends a few minutes in the bathroom and then approaches the bedroom. You shut your eyes and pretend to sleep, you can't handle any more talking now. As she moves around the room, folding, tidying, out of the corner of your eye you notice she is already in her nightdress, she must have changed in the bathroom, you think, something she has never done in the past. She's never had to. It's the short, pink one, with the lace at the bottom. Your favourite one.

You feel her lift the covers at her side and kneel onto the mattress, her face comes close to your own. Her lips touch your forehead as she whispers _"Sorry, darling." _before placing a silent kiss there, turning over and settling.

She's asleep within minutes, you can tell by her breathing, and only then do you open your eyes again into the darkness and continue to glare into the darkness.


	3. When the world forgets you

**I'm trying to get these chapters out as quickly as I can...just so I don't prolong your agony for longer than necessary! Though this is the start of it now so apologies again! And thanks for the reviews, they really make it all worth while, you guys are lovely! xx**

(Nikki)

You can sense something is wrong before you even open your eyes. Firstly, there is silence. No alarm. Secondly, you've woken up gently, not suddenly. No alarm. And thirdly, other than you, the bed's empty. You sit up and stare open mouthed at the clock. Ten past ten. How on earth did you sleep so late?

You see Leo raise his head as you rush in, jacket half on, not even a coffee in hand, at half past. Harry doesn't even look up. You're not angry, you don't think you have to energy to be, but you're mildly pissed off and still tired and frustrated and he doesn't even seem to care.

"_Why didn't you wake me?"_

"_You looked like you needed to sleep."_

"_I've got a second opinion pm to do, Harry."_

The door of Leo's office opens and he, Janet and an unknown DI come out. You apologise while you haphazardly unpack your bag and tie your hair up.

"_What second pm?"_

You freeze as Harry looks from you to Leo. The three of you exchange glances. When you chose not to speak, Leo steps in.

"_I asked Nikki for a second opinion on Anka Majewski? Christ don't you two talk?!"_

"_But you've done the pm."_

"_I want a second one."_

"_Then I'll do it."_

He has become impossible to live with, work with or talk to. He's self-centred and angry. He takes no notice of you and has no respect for Leo. For the past week you have lived separate lives, only coming together to argue. _Don't you two talk?_ The_ honest_ answer? No. God knows you've tried to make amends. But it's happened again. You've lost him to a dead woman. He wears his heart on his sleeve, though he hides it well, that used to be one of the things you loved about him, but it means things get under his skin, he loses himself and completely forgets everyone else.

"_Harry, some of the 4__th__ years are coming to watch. But you can assist if you – "_

It's hopeless, he walks out before you've even finished speaking. You bring your hands to your forehead and lean against your desk, breathing deep. You're not sure if you've caught some sort of bug, or if you're just sick of living like this, watching him storm out every five minutes, always braced for the next tantrum. Eventually, fists clenched and gritted teeth, you come back to reality. Aware that the three others in the room are still watching you.

"_Shall we just get on with this?"_

…_.._

"_Abrasions to the lower abdomen and arms, consistent with that of someone beaten to the ground, confirmed also by the first post-mortem, carried out by Professor Leo Dalton."_

You're nervous today. You're shaking, so you presume its nerves; something which has never been an issue before. Perhaps it's because you can feel your husband's eyes watching you intensely from behind the group of intrigued students, scrutinising everything you say, picking apart every single word. You feel like you need to make a special effort to respect this body, find the right answer. It's as if _he_ is the distraught relative.

"_The victim has been stabbed in the chest with a sharp object, though the blade appears wider than that of a knife -"_

You heard a door slam in the gallery and you look up to find Harry has disappeared, and for a moment you lose your train of thought. You catch Leo's eyes next, and look back to the body quickly, mottled skin, grotesque, blood-stained organs.

"_I'd say…I'd say we're looking for a blade…of…of about 9…"_

Your scalpel lands with a loud clang onto the slab beside the body when it falls from your hands.

And suddenly, momentarily, the world forgets you.


	4. A Fool's Decision

**Bet you didn't expect me back here! Haha! I just found this on my external hard drive and realized it should have gone in between 'When the world...' and 'Creation and destruction'. Sorry guys, I'm hopeless! Hope you enjoy it anyway! xxx**

* * *

(Leo)

You had known she wasn't herself before she'd even entered the building. That fact that she wasn't in and ready to start at 8.30am with the DI was unlike her.

You're a doctor. It's in your nature to spot things before they happen. Like a scientific clairvoyant. But by the time you've burst into the cutting room, she's already out cold on the floor, Zak and Colin looking on in shocked dismay. You're on your knees at her side in an instant, her forehead is clammy and she's shivering. You turn back to the gallery to find Janet ushering the students out, and you give her a nod of thanks.

"_Nikki? Nikki can you hear me?"_

Breathing rapidly, her eyes flutter open, you watch as confusion registers first, then shock.

"_Oh Christ."_

"_Nikki it's okay. Let's get you checked over."_

Having left her in the capable hands of Janet and left to make her a hot, sweet tea, you find Harry, hunched over his desk, hurriedly looking through some files. You roll your eyes at his ignorance…or arrogance.

"_Leo, the photos of the Majewski crime scene, where are they?"_

"_Nikki's had a bit of a moment during the post-mortem, we've had to stop."_

"_What sort of moment?"_

"_She collapsed, I think you should go to her."_

"_That's not like her; I'll go and finish up then shall I?"_

"_I think it would be better if you were with her."_

"_DI what's-his-face isn't going to wait around, he's got work to do, a case to close, I'll go and finish the pm."_

This is a side of Harry you strongly dislike, there is no reasoning with him, he's impatient and rude and completely unaware of the world around him. This was your worst fear. The reason you were dubious in the first place; his _downward spirals _as you would call them. The worst one was with the Penny Harris case. He took it out on Nikki and very nearly lost her as a result. After Hungary you had braced yourself. You had expected one. It had never come. He'd lied through his teeth to all of you, he was fine, and he could cope. You knew at some point those demons would have to manifest themselves in some shape or form. That just so happens to be a crusade for a woman he doesn't even know.

With shaking hands, Nikki takes the tea you offer her as she sits in the locker room with Janet.

"_No sign of any gas leaks or cyanide poisoning in the cutting room or on the body. Are you working yourself too hard?"_

Janet joins in as the two of you Mother her. God knows she needs it.

"_Are you sleeping, eating, worrying? About anything?"_

She doesn't answer your questions, her own still need to be answered.

"_Where's Harry?"_

"_He's…finishing the pm."_

"_I need him here."_

Janet offers to go and talk to him, but you insist. Deep down, you know the decision he makes now could affect everything.

* * *

"_I'll take over now."_

Things have resumed. The DI is back in the gallery, Colin and Zak are assisting and Harry is dissecting her heart. Not the only heart he'll split wide open today, you fear.

"_I can manage."_

"_Nikki wants to see you, I think she wants to go home."_

"_I'll be half an hour."_

"_She wants to go now, Harry."_

"_And I want to finish this."_

You can feel the tension rising, the anger in yourself burning. The frustration eating away at you.

"_This doesn't matter, Harry!"_

"_You try telling this woman's partner that!"_

You know there is nothing more you can do, you allow your anger to dissipate and your stoic, professional manner returns. You decide he might get the message more clearly with an ultimatum. Surely he hasn't been sucked in so badly that you are now on _completely_ different wavelengths.

"_Ok, you can finish the post-mortem if you want, but for your own sake, I'm asking you not to."_

"_I'm fine, thanks."_

"_Harry, I strongly recommend you reconsider this."_

Your final plea is in hushed tones and you move forward to ensure Harry is the only one who hears. He raises his eyes for the first time since you came in and looks straight at you and you see everything. Everything he's thinking and feeling, but no sign of an internal conflict. It's just determination. For truth. Justice. Redemption. The moment passes and he gets back to his work, as if you hadn't said a word. You can do nothing but shake your head.

* * *

(Nikki)

"_Has this happened before?"_

"_No. Not ever. I just don't- I mean, I was there, and then I was –"_

"_Have you been feeling anything else?"_

"_Tired, so, so tired, and dizzy sometimes. I think I might be worried, that's all."_

You only have a split second to analyse the symptoms you ran off to Janet before Leo comes back. But it's enough. Enough to realise that you've been a complete idiot. Leo's face is like thunder and your heart sinks when you realise its bad news. A mere 4 months ago he was promising that he would be there for you always, and was now avoiding you as best he could. A while ago, he'd told you he didn't want to turn into his father, but it was exactly what he had done. Years ago he told you that he wanted a family, yet here he was - letting you down, abandoning you…

…when you were quite possibly carrying his child.

"_He's not coming."_

And that's it, you're done.

You stand up and stride out of the locker room and back along the corridors to the offices. Still in scrubs, you throw on your coat and grab your bag as you ready your card for the door, Janet and Leo run after you, trying to calm you down but only succeeding in riling you further. With anger you didn't know you possessed, you thunder through the car park. You can almost feel your heart swell and burst as you screech out of sight in your car, hot, angry tears burning your cheeks.

Quite simply, you've had enough.


	5. Creation and Destruction

**Hi All.**

**SPOILERS HERE, LOOK AWAY IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE NEWS!...I am devastated that Tom Ward is leaving. All I am hoping now is that Nikki goes with him (at some point, maybe next series) and we get some kind of closure. Honestly, I have shipped them since I was a child. BEFORE I KNEW WHAT SHIPPING WAS! At least that way, Nikki and Harry get to be together and she doesn't get with anyone else (that would end me!), and we can continue on in our little fan-ficcy world!**

**Rant over, now onto some happy stuff...NOOOOT! I'm sure none of you have the energy to read this after the news - I can barely proof read it and its my own work! But if you do wish to depress yourselves further, feel free to use this to help, and I promise, one day I'll make it all better!**

**Love to you all at this terrible time...this ship is sinking more dramatically than the Titanic... xxx**

(Harry)

The post mortem is finished in silence, apart from any details you need to bring to the DI's attention. But there is no doubt in your mind, the blade is certainly broad enough to be scissors. The same scissors found, washed, in the house of the partner. The father. It makes you feel physically sick.

The man who created this unit, this family, was also the one who destroyed it.

The DI thanks you and leaves, and having showered and cleared up, you do too. It's unusual, but there is no sign of Leo as you leave, the lab had been buzzing earlier and yet now, no one.

You begin to wonder if you're in some kind of resident evil spoof when you enter a silent house also. No tv, radio, not even any movement. Just silence. Normally, you would just enjoy it, welcome it after such a stressful, personal case. But this silence is different.

It's not that good kind of silence.

"_Nikki?"_

Your voice travels round the house with no answer. She'll be asleep on the bed, you imagine. Huffing. Having flicked the switch on the kettle and placed two mugs out, just from habit, you decide to investigate.

Your bedroom is dull and empty. The fading daylight has created hideous shadows over the walls, lack of sunlight has made it freezing. You turn on the light and frown.

On the perfectly made bed lies a box. On the box is a note.

Shaking hands pick it up, unfold it.

_Things can't stay like this. Not anymore._

Your heart stops beating.

Suddenly, you've lost your breath.

Only then do you realise what you've done. Or what you haven't, to be more precise. You have always been focussed, driven and until now, it has only been an asset to you. It went too far this time. You had been so wrapped up in this case, this witch hunt, you had completely forgotten her.

Leo's voice echoing in your head "_I strongly recommend you reconsider this." _you thrash open the wardrobe, the drawers, the bathroom cabinet, search her dressing table.

For a single trace of her.

But she's gone.

Completely.

You're dazed and confused, your mind whirring to try and comprehend what this note could mean.

_Not anymore?_

You can't quite believe what you're seeing. It is as if she had never existed, or it would have been, if not for the wallpaper, the bed sheets, the note and the box, neatly presented on the bed.

The box.

You find yourself turning to face the cardboard box on the bed, and your fists clench. Suddenly, you are afraid of what you are going to find in there. Slowly, you sit on the edge of the bed and reach a hand out, gently towards it.

You lift the lid.

You frown.

Blink.

There must be twenty, thirty white, plastic tubes held within it. Picking one out, you turn it over in your hands.

Two blue lines.

Your heart leaps into your mouth as you suddenly realise what they all are. In shock, you drop it, as if it had burned you, and for a moment just stare in horror at the sight in front of you. As composed as one can be at a moment like this, in your situation, you pick out another one.

The same.

The same.

Again, and again, and again, and again.

They are all identical.

Two blue lines.

Positive.

Pregnant.

Undoubtedly so.

You hold your head in disbelief, your heart is throbbing in your throat, you can't focus, can't see. You're a parent. You're a Dad.

The fainting, the strange foods, the sleeping, it was all so blatantly obvious, had you been paying the slightest bit of attention to her. You hadn't of course.

In a blind panic, you call her, Leo, your Mother, anyone.

Only Janet picks up.

"_Harry."_

"_Janet, listen have you seen Nikki?"_

"_She's with me, she's with me don't worry."_

"_What – just – I need to speak to her!"_

"_I – I'm not sure that's quite what she needs right now, Harry."_

"_Tell her to come home, she has to come home we have to talk."_

"_Harry. She's left you."_

And with that, you crumble, sink to the floor of the bedroom on your knees and sob like a child. Standing up you lash out at the dressing table, sending various bottles crashing to the floor. You hold yourself to try and quell the shaking, and sink to the floor once more, devastated.

Because you, the one who created this unit, this family, were also the one who destroyed it.

Not wasting any more time, you violently spring up and drive into the car. You are acutely aware that you shouldn't be driving in your current emotional state. You are also aware that you don't care.

You _have _to get her back.

Arriving outside Janet's, you pound on the front door, loud and angry, for so long you see a light come on upstairs in her neighbour's house and the curtains twitch.

Eventually, a shaken and weary looking Janet answers. You don't give her time to speak.

"_Nikki! Nikki! Are you in there!"_

"_Harry. Stop."_

You almost take heed of her assertive, professional, psychoanalyst voice, until you see a figure appear behind her in the hallway, a small frame, hunched over and holding herself, wrapped in a throw. You can see her tears; those shed, glistening on pale cheeks and those still to come, shining in her eyes.

"_Baby, please come home we need to talk about this!"_

You hold her gaze, passing Janet's face and along the hallway of her warm, inviting abode. You can feel your chest heaving with unsung sobs, anger, breathlessness and you don't blink, you stare, eyes wide. Nikki looks back, a look of heavy sadness, she looks lost, cold, alone, despite her location. But worse than that…

She looks frightened.

Janet is standing in her doorway, a hand on either side of the frame, preventing you from getting in. Getting to Nikki. _Your own wife. _You want to catch her in your firm, angry grip, shake her, ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing. But you don't, you simply hold out your arms, step back slightly. Your eyes never leave Nikki.

It almost winds you when Nikki simply looks back, blinking slowly, allowing a tear to fall from each eye and slide unbidden down her cheeks. She then slowly turns, and walks back down the hallway into the sitting room, closing the door gently behind her.

You heart _shatters._

Your hand rises to your mouth and stifles a sob, as you lower yourself onto the steps at Janet's door.

_Creation and destruction_. As simple as that.


	6. Closure

**This chapter isn't as depressing as it's title suggests. There's even some 'Lanet' in there for those of you still wallowing in the despair that I have come to affectionately refer to as 'Silent (or at least very unexpected) Quitness'.**

**As always, thanks for the reviews! They make me smile! It's nice to hear you're doing something right! xx**

Janet's distressed phone call prompts Leo's swift arrival at the scene.

To Armageddon.

He finds Harry, crying like a child outside, and Nikki, inside, doing the exact same thing.

With a sigh, his eyes meet Janet's.

"_I think it's over."_

No doubt, it was horrific and they were both obviously devastated.

But at least there was some passion in it, he thinks.

The sight before him proves without shadow of a doubt that they love each other…that they _loved _each other. It was raw and painful and almost moving to behold. They did love each other. It's just that some things…outside factors got in the way.

Nothing got in the way of he and Janet.

Except himself.

Nikki and Harry's breakup couldn't have been less similar to he and Janet's.

Theirs was cold, tidy almost…objective.

He almost wishes it hadn't been.

Because now, having seen the complete mess left when soulmates - and the life they built around each other - fall apart, you wouldn't blame Janet for thinking that you never really loved her.

And that certainly was not the case.

"_Can you take Harry back with you? I really don't think she needs this right now."_

"_Well maybe they should talk it out?"_

"_No Leo, it's not a good idea."_

At this, Janet seems to falter, as if this traumatic incident has touched a nerve in more ways than one. You know she is feeling just as you are, after 3 years with her, it's like they are almost the same person. Even now, he knows what she is about to say before she has even opened her mouth.

"_She's pregnant, isn't she?"_

Janet nods silently and if he didn't know any better, after he has rubbed your eyes – just to make sure this whole thing isn't just one big nightmare – she looks as if she might cry. Ironically, it would seem that this is in fact a bit too close to home for her.

He has never been one of those heartless, macho men, who can't stand crying, but surprisingly, considering his occupation, he really isn't sure how to deal with her at this moment in time. Has enough time passed to allow him to hold her without it being awkward? Would she want him to? He decides to place a gentle hand on her shoulder instead. Safer. It only lasts a few seconds, that moment of contact. But it is enough and it is as if they have reached their own form of closure.

He approaches Harry gingerly.

"_I think you'd be best to come with me now, Harry."_

He recognises the eyes looking up at him, but they are not Harry's.

They are his own.

His own eyes as Harry had reached out to him, after the death of his wife and daughter.

The worst time of his life.

They are the eyes of a distraught father, devastated man, heartbroken husband.

"_Don't you try and tell me what to do."_

Leo Dalton feels helpless as he watches his best friend push himself up from the ground and stumble to his car.

It will take more than a hand on the shoulder to close this case, he thinks to himself, as the car speeds from the drive. And he hears Nikki, exhausted, and still inside, shudder into silence.


	7. Fathers and Sons

**And here we have the aftermath of this disaster I've created...I do love angst, you've probably realised that by now!**

**Thank you all, over and over again for the amazing reviews, you all know who you are and you're such a great support. You restore my faith in the human race. Thank you. **

**D.A xx**

Leo gives you some time off after that.

You presume he does the same for her.

You wouldn't know. You don't see her.

You fight through the days, like a war weary warrior, convinced she'll come round, come back to you.

It is of course your boss, who brings you crashing down to earth. The voice of reason. Reality.

"_Have you any idea what you've done?"_

The truth is no, you don't. At least not until he asked the question.

_All my life I've thought I wanted to be like my father. But it's the last thing on earth anyone would want to be._

You see it now. In the mirror. In your voice. Even your dress sense. Blessing or curse, you have become him.

_I think we always were our parents. We spend a few years trying to deny it, and then we give in._

Now you know exactly what you've done. All because you were witness to it before. A very long time ago. He would come in in the evening, face like thunder and not say a word. Your mother would ask about his day pleasantly and it was as if she hadn't spoken at all. It was like he was possessed, haunted almost.

Calmly, quietly, your mother would usher you from the room, half way through your homework, take you up to your room and the two of you would play, talk, read, anything to make you smile, take your mind off things. But you were never a naïve child. You quite clearly saw the apprehension in her eyes as she wished you sweet dreams and closed the door behind her.

Minutes later the shouting would start.

A scream.

A smack.

And silence.

It suddenly occurs to you that the two most influential women in your life have a lot more in common than they realise. Different men, or course, different decade but ultimately, the same, single priority:

Their child.

The memories of your father's illness are staggered and vague, even recent revelations didn't tarnish the confident, clever, inspirational man of your formative years, this is largely, you believe, down to your mother and the protection and shelter she gave to you in an attempt to keep your memories of your father - your hero - as wonderful as they are.

_Were._

Your wife's decision to remove herself from your company now seems much more real. Much more believable, understandable.

How was she to be expected to bring up a child with a man who couldn't even keep a hold on his own emotions?

This realisation sends you further into the dark abyss, and it is a full week before you realise that if you continue on this road of woe and self-pity, you will end up just like your father.

Dead.

A day later, Nikki receives a text from you. Hesitant, she waits until darkness falls and she has retired to Janet's spare room before reading it, lips pressed tightly together, hands clammy.

_House is yours. Found a flat. Move out Sunday. Take care, H x_

You keep your word and by pure coincidence the two of you almost pass in the doorway of your marital home. As you are leaving, she is lifting a large box from the back of Janet's car. Janet, upon seeing you, sinks back into the driver's seat as if she wishes the ground would swallow her up.

"_Let me take that."_

Immediately, you take the box from her arms and carry it into the kitchen while she follows.

The house seems alien now, cold, dark, with the two of you so icy with each other. A far cry from the fresh faced couple who had walked in, hands entwined, to be greeted with space, light and a warm feeling in their hearts which had probed the decision.

_This is it. This is the one._

"_You're not carrying these boxes in yourself are you?"_

It is a harmless question, but it holds more than it seems. With nine simple words everything comes to light. The love you still have for her, the fact that you are both now separate bodies and no longer a team, the child that is growing inside her as you speak. You don't realise she's crying until her voice croaks when she next speaks. You turn, gaze at her imploringly and realise just how devastated she looks.

Just about as devastated as you feel.

"_Isn't it a bit late to start acting like you care?"_

You bring the remainder of her boxes in without another word, before setting off to start again, alone.

_Here's to my glorious bachelor existence._


	8. Dreaming about you

**I must tell you now, this is the first chapter I ever wrote for this story. It was the first part that came into my head, quite a few months ago now. I never intended for this to be the first chapter, it was just the catalyst for my creativity! **

**The entire series was actually inspired by a song I heard first on a N/H youtube video by 'HannahS1970' and it's called 'Jungle' by Emma Louise. You could give it a listen while you are reading this chapter to give you an idea of the feeling I wanted to bring to it. I quite enjoy giving you songs to listen to along with chapters, usually, each part of the story will have a song that has helped me write it. I'll try and post more suggested songs with chapters if you'd like? Let me know what you think of this one!**

**Don't own the song, or the characters, the plot is mine though, hooray!**

**xxx**

"_And we're moving slow, our hearts beat so fast._

_I've been dreaming, dreaming about you, about us."_

You're sure the collapse of the relationship you had assumed would last forever hit you harder than the prospect of becoming a mother. In a matter of weeks everything had gone to shit, and you'd found yourself alone and broken-hearted. That was enough to deal with.

That is at least, for the first few months; things continue almost as if nothing has changed. Harry is still distant, your work load is a consistent, steady flow, and Leo has been his usual tactful self, keeping a watchful eye on you when he can.

2 months down the line however, you've just been to the toilet – for the 5th time that morning – and you're washing your hands. It's when you lean over for the soap that you see it. Barely visible if you're not paying close attention, but definitely there and inexplicably defined. You turn to the side and reach round to scrunch up your blouse at the back, you feel almost sick.

There it is.

Your baby.

Harry's baby.

You and Harry's baby.

Visible. Noticeable. Real.

Shaking, beads of sweat appear on your forehead as you rush from the bathroom. You avoid mirrors for the rest of the day.

But now that you've seen, you can't un-see. You notice your belly button making its way out of your stomach, you notice the curve increase. You feel the flutters, the stirrings of new life within you. It's simultaneously terrifying and amazing. You can barely believe it. It excites you that you are the only one feeling this. That this is yours. When you eat, you imagine your baby, Harry's baby growing and getting stronger. You dream. New, strange dreams of the way your mother loved you. The way she held you on those stifling hot nights in the sweltering Cape, the way she rocked you and brushed the hair from your brow. You remember the ghost of a smile this left on your face. You felt contentment. Then in a heartbeat she was gone and you were left with nothing. No one to care, to nurture you, to love you.

And now, finally now you have the chance to love, and to be loved. _Unconditionally_. Forever. It's overwhelming the love you feel when you are reminded what is going on inside of you. It is love, you know that, but a love you have never experienced before. The only thing that comes close is an experience that changed and shaped your life in so many different ways.

_Hungary._

It aches like Hungary. It is equally as devastating, as if you could die if anything were to take this from you. And then there is the heavy relief and the earth shattering euphoria that makes you want to sing and cry and…how you felt when he ran after you, chased after you, caught you and held you still, lips on your hair and let the two of you just exist in a way you thought you never would again. It's that same feeling of complete love, of nothing else mattering, of complete disbelief that your prayers have been answered. You sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that this could be the best thing you've ever done.

The 12 week scan brings you down to a whole new level of reality. Leo accompanies you. Holds your hand as you watch in spellbound amazement, he wipes away the tears and tells you what a fantastic Mum you'll be. You memorise the rhythm of the heartbeat and tap it with your fingers until sleep claims you early that evening.

You finally find Harry in the locker room the following day and give him the photos. You don't stay to see his reaction:

"_I thought you would want to see these."_

"_Right. What are- oh."_

"_You keep them."_

You were cold, curt, but the wounds are still very much open, still hurting, stinging. It's childish, you know it is, despite your protests that this is best for your child. He hurt you, so you'll hurt him.

It is his choice to approach you as you work at your desk 34 minutes later. The first time he has done so in almost as many months it seems.

"_They're beautiful."_

"_I know."_

You look up for a brief moment, to look into his eyes before looking back to the notes you're making. You looked long enough to see the redness there, the paleness of his cheeks, tell-tale signs of his tears and you feel a knot in your stomach. You almost feel guilty.

"_So everything's normal then?"_

"_About as normal as we'll ever be."_

He gives a bitter sweet laugh at this and you look up. A smile is shared. For almost an atom of a second too long. You decide you owe him the truth.

"_I thought I would fall in love when I saw it, before I realised I already had."_

Well, partly the truth.


	9. Okay

**I'm aware its been a bit heavy of late, so given our current emotional state, this one's a little more light hearted! **

**Enjoy! xxx**

"_Nikki, I've got a scene out beside the railway on the west end, can you take it?"_

"_Sure, just give me a minute."_

"_No. I'll go."_

"_Harry, he asked me, I'll do it."_

"_I'd rather you didn't…"_

"_Why?"_

"_It might be dangerous."_

"_I'm pregnant, not bloody disabled!"_

"_I didn't say anything about being disabled. You're not going. That's it!"_

All you did was ask her to attend a scene.

They've been like this since the 12 week scan. At first, you thought it was going exceptionally well. They seemed professional; a relatively tidy break-up…if not for the mess they'd left behind.

But soon you realised that the solid silence in the office wasn't that of professional diligence, but of simmering tension.

They are like a ticking time bomb. Closer and closer reaching explosion. Any sudden movements. Any off-hand remarks could start it up again. You know they're both hurting. All you can do is attempt to diffuse each situation as it arises in the hope of avoiding some kind of domestic showdown.

"_Look, never mind, I'll just do it."_

Perhaps it's a mixture of both her current marital state and hormonal imbalance, but Nikki has become more short tempered and impatient than before, and she stomps off back to the labs. As you laboriously put on a light rain coat, Harry comes into your office. He doesn't knock.

"_Can't you just put her on paperwork, please?"_

You know he cares about her and you know he cares just as much about this baby. The concept of fatherhood scares him, you know that too, and you're not sure it has really sunk in yet. Perhaps that's a good thing.

Had it sunk in, he'd probably have run half way to Malta by now.

"_I can't Harry, I'm sorry. It's her call, and she wants to carry on as normal."_

Whatever 'normal' is nowadays.

"_It's not uncommon for pathologists to hurt themselves at crime scenes, some are hard to get to and some haven't been cleared and the killer is still around. I've heard of pathologists picking up infections during post-mortems, fatal ones sometimes. And you know how hard she works herself. I read an article the other day about expectant Mother's…"_

You slowly phase out after a while. He really has thought about this a lot.

You feel for him. You really do. You feel for all expectant fathers in a way. All eager to protect their unborn child, with no true way of doing so. Everything they have, that is worth having in life, is encased in one living entity. All it would take is for something to harm its Mother...

And so they wait. As patiently as is possible, their only form of input being through their partner. Other half. The one that holds their world.

Harry's won't even let him near her.

"_You need to trust her judgement, Harry. She's not stupid. She'll be fine."_

"_Just…Just keep her away from the worst ones, yeah?"_

He looks at you, so desperately that you find yourself unable to do anything but nod in reply. He seems satisfied and leaves after that. Perhaps you should be a bit more forceful with her, take more control. There was a situation the other week in which Harry all but dragged her out of a student training post-mortem when he read that the deceased had impetigo. The students were highly amused. Nikki however, was affronted.

But part of you is glad that Harry is so highly strung about the whole thing.

He's going to be a father. He should be. It's his job.

To you, it is a step in the right direction.

"_I CAN MANAGE!"_

You look up, just in time to see Harry jump away from a vicious looking Nikki, attempting to re-assess some stomach contents.

It's almost amusing.

If there's one thing you're sure of, Nikki will be okay.


	10. Live Distractions

**Hi everyone! Hope you guys haven't got bored of this yet, trust me, it is going somewhere. Once again thank you to everyone reviewing and everyone reading, it really means a lot and I'm returning the favour as much as I can...though I don't have time for anything much these days!**

**Anyway, here's more of Harry being a prize fanny.**

**xxx**

A stalemate is reached.

They maintain a healthy, professional relationship, miraculously.

But nothing changes.

You begin to believe that perhaps, tragically, they simply ran their course.

That is until Emma Lawson meanders into the Thomas Lyell centre on July 28th.

Harry finds a new, live distraction.

And Nikki seems to lose all bearings.

Detective Inspector Emma Lawson of London Central CID was everything Nikki wasn't; A slick haired brunette with a slightly curvatious figure, piercing, emerald green eyes and an olive glow to her skin. She dressed corporately, smartly, if not slightly provocatively. She wasn't the kind of woman to take prisoners and this, coupled with her initial flirtations with Harry (throughout which Nikki sat, arms folded, fizzing) told you that she and the youngest member of your team would not get on at all well.

"_Leo?"_

Harry looks slightly flustered as he pops round your office door and proceeds to come in and stand at your desk when you acknowledge him.

"_Can I go early tonight? It's just I have a…somewhere to be."_

Really, you don't need any more information, but you raise a questioning eyebrow all the same. You enjoy watching him squirm.

"_Um…I'm taking Emma out for a bite to eat…N-nothing formal…we were both free…so…"_

There is a chap at the open door behind him and Harry whips round to find Nikki, waiting there, files in hand. She quickly comes in, not meeting either of your gazes, placing the files on the desk and then leaves as quickly as she came. You feel for her, you really do, and as much as you don't want to take sides, she most certainly didn't deserve any of this.

You coolly dismiss Harry and watch as he takes his coat from the stand and lingers for a moment watching her. She is standing behind his desk, flicking through a book she has just picked out, for research, or just something to do, you're not sure which. You hear him say her name but you can't quite make out the rest. All you know is that Nikki doesn't look up once, not until the door to the Lyell centre swings shut and she gives a tired sigh and sits down at his desk, hands protectively on her stomach. You have never felt so sorry for anyone.

"_You okay?"_

"_Yep." _Although she looks like she is about to cry.

"_I wouldn't worry about it, Nikki. It's just his way of distracting himself, nothing serious."_

"_I really couldn't give a damn, Leo. He can do what he likes I'm not the boss of him." _

You wonder if she knows that you can tell she means the exact opposite of what she says. She has contorted her face into a crooked pout. It's to stop her lips from shaking.

"_Have you eaten?"_

"_No."_

"_Come on now, you know that's not on, you need to keep yourself healthy. How about we go for something to eat now, hmm?"_

When she doesn't answer, you step closer turning her chair away from the desk and kneeling down in front of her. You take her hands tightly in your own.

"_You don't need to be worrying yourself with what Harry's doing with himself. All you need to do is concentrate on you. Harry isn't stupid. He still cares about you. If you ever need him, for anything, he'll be right there you mark my words. Now I think we should get out of here for tonight, what do you say?"_

At last, relief washes over you when she gives you a watery smile. She's drawn the short straw in everything, she thought she was doing the right thing by leaving him, and now she is pregnant and heartbroken and alone.

All she ever did wrong was fall in love with him.

You decide in that moment it will always be your mission to be there for her.

You will be the one that never lets her down.


	11. The Promise

**I've been quite horrible to you all for the past little while. And you're all so lovely, with all these amazing reviews, so I thought I'd give you a TINY shred of fluff in this one!**

**'IM' I have to say, I've not quite boarded the Leo/Nikki ship yet! Though I'm warming to it (and the fanfic is certainly helping!). For now I will be sticking to what I know, but I wanted to focus on all of the characters in this story. I especially love the friendship Nikki and Leo have and I want to explore that a bit. There will be more Leo though! I could slip in a few more chapters of them if you like?**

**All of you, thanks again, you are spectacular.**

* * *

"_You okay?"_

A throwaway question. He's been asking it too much recently. He asks it like she'd just had to finish a particularly difficult risk assessment as opposed to meeting his new _'friend'_ Emma, when their marriage had broken apart a mere 3 months, 1 week and 26 days ago.

"_Fine thanks."_

Is all she can muster. Too angry to string together a sentence. She refuses to look at him, pretending instead to fix her eyes on something on the computer screen, determined to make this as difficult as possible for him.

"_This doesn't mean…Look, I'm still here for you. Whenever."_

She can feel her face burning red, her hands shaking. She has every right to be angry. She's his god damned wife. He hasn't even made the effort to get her back, taking the easy route out, finding a younger model, whose waistline is less likely to expand in the next 4 months. After all the damage he caused, he gets off scot free, perhaps better off than he was. It's her that puts up with the morning sickness, the uncomfortable, unbearable pressure on her bladder towards the end of a pm, the violent, foreign movements in her stomach that remind her of the pedestal she held him on.

…And how badly he let her down.

"_This…The baby is my priority in this-"_

"_Yeah."_

Her reply is spat out, bitter and it touches a nerve with him. He knows he's in the wrong, and his anger, instead of being down to the Majewski case, is now due to his apparent inability to be a patriarch. It's something he's always known he wanted, and yet it's like trying to get into med school all over again.

"_Nikki, I'm serious. Anything you need. Give us a call."_

She is uncomfortable in his company, that much is obvious and she gets up to leave as she speaks. It's hurtful, that she feels she can't be in the same room as him, or look him in the eye. But more than anything, it's infuriating.

"_Us? No thanks. I'd rather be completely alone than be looked after by your girlfriend, Harry.."_

Humiliation at its very best was the only way she could describe this afternoon. Her introduction to Emma had been patronising and awkward. Harry had treated her like a small child meeting the new love interest of a divorced parent, while Emma had kept her distance as if Nikki was some sort of unconfined wild animal.

"_Look, don't get upset, please. It's not good for…either of you."_

She gives a half laugh, rolling her eyes and goes to leave, nonplussed at the hole he is digging himself.

"_Oh yes, of course Harry, because this is my fault."_

Furious and desperate to make her understand him, he catches her off guard, grabbing both wrists to hold her back, roughly yanking her close to him. So close he can smell her perfume, her shampoo.

_God_ he misses her smell.

"_I am just trying to move on, okay?"_

He realises that he has lost his temper and fast lets her go as if her skin had burned his own. She's startled, shaken, but not afraid. She stood her ground with him and in the end it was _he_ that looked away from her venomous glare first, turning, hands in his hair as he paces. It's one thing she was, is and will always be sure of. He won't hurt her…not physically.

It is then, as if on cue, that she feels it. Not for the first time, but this is certainly the most prominent, the most sharp it has ever been. Temporarily, she is winded.

A hard, fast kick, in her lower abdomen. The voice of reason. A reminder. That this sentient entity is still here, existing…_listening_…

Suddenly, she feels quite peaceful.

"_Harry?"_

He turns to look at her, and his own face softens when he sees that her previous, frosty glare has melted.

"_Come here."_

Slightly hesitant, he does as she asks and she, just as unsure, reaches out with her hand. Slowly, he allows her to guide his own over her jumper and when he realises what she's doing, the awkwardness miraculously disappears to be replaced by excitement, anticipation. Just for this moment, they are nothing more than expectant parents, with nothing but love in perfectly unbroken hearts .

"_I can't feel it."_

He looks almost disappointed. She can feel it, still going strong. Without thinking, she lifts her jumper and places his hand against her skin. She tries hard to convince herself that the coldness of his hand was the reason for the shiver blowing over her spine.

He had forgotten how soft her skin was, soft and warm now against his hand. To feel it so tight and swollen is so alien to him he almost wants to cry, so overwhelmed by how much of her he has missed.

Then he feels it.

Sudden and sharp and then gone.

Fleeting, but definitely a little foot.

"_Wow."_

As he runs a thumb over the movement she muses that this could have almost been perfect. He looks so amazed, so enthralled by it all, his happiness is almost contagious.

Almost, but not quite.

His eyes find hers again, hoping to share a smile. But she forcibly pushes her jumper down, knocking his hand away.

"_You promised."_

Her voice is barely above a whisper and he thinks he may have imagined it, but her eyes are shining, brimming.

"_You asked me to marry you and you promised that you wouldn't mess this up. What happened, Harry?"_

He's speechless. A rare occurrence in an argument. She's right. He remembers the fear, the insecurity in her eyes when she had asked him. He'd answered and then buried his face in her neck so she wouldn't see the look on his face…

That showed he was just as insecure as she was.

Grabbing a file from her desk, she turns to leave and he feels her loss acutely. Feeling that little movement and the subsequent euphoria a mere second ago is almost like a drug to him. He needs it now, again, and again.

"_She's welcome to you."_

"_W-what about the baby, Nikki? Nikki?!"_

There is another violent collision between her own body and that of the one living inside her and she gasps quietly, before plummeting back down to earth to reply.

"_Don't worry, we'll try not to get in the way."_

He's left, almost in tears when she leaves. And all he can do is hold his head between his hands to stop his world falling apart. Anna Sandour still features heavily in his dreams, but every waking moment is consumed with thoughts of his child.

A little girl or boy?

Blonde hair or dark hair?

How fast are they growing?

Can they hear him?

Do they feel the stress, the sheer torment that he is causing their Mother?

He never has been able to see what he has until it's gone.

He has to make a change. Stop wallowing in self-pity and make the most of the mess he has created. Do his best to ensure all those involved have the strength to carry on despite the mistakes he has made. If it wasn't for him, his Wife would have a safe, calm environment to dwell amongst, while his child would be born into a secure family unit. But because of him, this won't be the case.

It _had _been all too soon.

He hadn't listened to the advice he was given.

But he just can't bring himself to regret her.

Not ever.

* * *

Having cried buckets in the toilets, she rubs her eyes and returns to the office - shattered and panicked by these new and almost unbelievable movements - in the hope that he will have gone by now. Home to _Emma_.

She starts when she sees the freshly made salad sandwich (on brown) with a banana laid out thoughtfully on her desk.

Who else could it have been, but him? Her heart breaks all over again.

Things would be so much simpler if she didn't love him. If she'd done what he so obviously had and chosen a spouse through convenience.

It's such a complicated set of feelings, she's tempted to talk it out with Janet, but afraid that it will bring everything to the surface again.

She hates him. He's a lying bastard. He let her down so badly, when she needed him most. And now he's swanning off into the sunset without giving her feelings a second thought. She wants him gone, out of her life and would be perfectly happy if she never saw his face again for as long as she lived.

But what sort of a life would that be? He is the axis her world revolves around. Before him, life was bleak and would be again once he is gone. She misses him. _Oh god _she misses him. She loves him, more than she'll ever love anyone. Sometimes she closes her eyes at night and her last wish is that this has all been a terrible nightmare and tomorrow she will wake up with him.

And if that can't be, she wonders if it would be preferable not to wake up at all.


	12. Second Lie

**Ahhh! This is it! The final chapter of Abyss! Don't know why I'm so getting excited about my own story!** **I did actually forget that this was the final chapter, so it was a bit of a surprise for me!**

**As always thank you so much for the reviews and the follows and the favourites, you guys are all amazing, those of you who have recently reviewed, thanks so much for letting me know you're there, and those of you who have been reviewing the whole way through, you're the ones keeping me going! I hope you'll all persevere with the story when the next installment comes, which is whenever you want it, just holler!**

**Can't believe we're almost on installment 3 already!**

**Lots of love xxx**

* * *

He meets Emma outside the Lyell Centre and immediately, he can tell there is something wrong.

"_I came in, to get you."_

He tenses up at this, there is a plethora of things she could have seen, none of which were particularly pleasant. Especially not for a woman embarking on a new, precarious relationship with a married man with a 5 month pregnant and hormonal ex in tow.

"_Seemed, you and Nikki were sharing a nice little 'moment' together."_

"_Don't be silly, Emma. Nikki was just trying to involve me with the baby, that's all."_

He is trying to convince himself as well as her, but he still can't quite understand Nikki's actions this evening. She always has been a bit of an enigma to him. Recently she has been so aloof, but then there was that moment tonight…

"_If there's still something between you two, I'd rather not be wasting my time here, Harry…"_

You don't hesitate in answering her back. To all intents and purposes, you and Nikki were done, sorted, months ago. But can two people really just detach themselves like that? When they both still wore wedding rings? When they had a child together that wasn't even born yet?

All he knows is that he cannot for the life of him face being alone.

He stands to face her and holds her hands tightly in his own.

"_You're not wasting your time. I've moved on, we both have. We just want to be good parents now."_

The first lie. The wounds between the Cunninghams were far from healed.

"_And what about when she needs you? What then?"_

"_Nikki doesn't need me. Nikki will be perfectly fine on her own."_

The second lie. He doesn't believe that. Not for one second.


End file.
